The Bride and Groom Have Never Kissed.

VE-Day Kiss

The other day, my sister was telling me about her friend who is getting married, which is nice but unremarkable and I was a little bored with the story, until she said this, “It’s really crazy because they haven’t even kissed!” I listened in complete and total shock as she told me over and over  (I needed her to repeat it like 10 times) that the bride and groom to be had never ever kissed each other.

Ummm…what?

I don’t get it, friends. I really don’t. When pressed for an explanation, my sister’s friend mumbled something about it being more special that way and then something about God. My response to the first explanation is, how much more special do you want a first kiss to be? The first kiss is always special because it’s a first kiss. That’s like adding icing to icing- it was already delicious, no need to overindulge. And as to her second explanation, which was really more of an aside/whisper, all I know is that to the best of my knowledge, people who are lapsed Protestants at best are totally allowed to kiss. But, I’m not a theologian and I’m not trying to be.  If they decide as a couple that their spirituality is best served by not kissing before marriage, that’s okie-dokie. I’m just not sure how much they thought about the kind of pressure this adds to a day that is already a giant mass of stress and worry.

Weddings are stressful, y’all. I’ve been a guest, bridesmaid, and maid of honor for countless weddings and I can only think of one out of all of those that felt easy breezy. Every other wedding had at least one person (usually the bride) all a-tizzy with anxiety over how smoothly everything was going. I just cannot imagine adding something as monumental as a first kiss to all that. First kisses are completely awesome; they are also frequently completely awkward. It’s a lot of butterflies and trying to figure out if you’re kissing them they way they like to be kissed, or if they’re kissing you the way you like to be kissed. It’s like your first day at Hogwarts- overwhelmingly exciting, but you might also get lost after a staircase moves.

But maybe this couple is ok with the added pressure. Maybe they are completely zen and can handle it without causing stress acne and nausea. Good on them. I’m impressed. However, I have one other question, do they realize they will be sharing their first kiss in front of their parents? Not to mention their grandparents, siblings, cousins, friends, and assorted other guests? Do you really want an audience for your first kiss? What if it’s sloppy? What if you get a bit carried away, because of all the pent up sexual frustration? What if it looks weird? I, for one, plan on kissing my husband-to-be as much as possible before our wedding and will probably make him practice kissing me in front of a mirror so I can make sure it looks good. I mean, people will be photographing this for Zeus’ sake! And while the idea of capturing your first kiss on film may sound sweet and romantic, I think it’s quite lucky that it doesn’t happen often, because we might all stop kissing one another because of how weird our first kisses looked.

Obviously, I kept all of these feelings to myself (and you), because it’s her and her fiance’s choice and really none of my business. If she wants to add pressure and awkwardness to her wedding then so be it- she is the bride after all. And hey, I hope their first kiss/wedding kiss is everything they hoped it would be. I hope it’s fireworks, and romance, and sweetness, and flawlessness all wrapped up in a perfect bow and set atop a unicorn’s back. I really do hope that. I just think it’s a hell of a big moment to throw on top of another even bigger moment. Me, I like to spread my big moments out.

- Mae

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34 thoughts on “The Bride and Groom Have Never Kissed.

  1. I think it’s sweet that they are saving their first kiss. I did something similar, I saved the my first masturbation for when I knew my family would catch me.

    • I can kind of get the idea behind it but it’s definitely not something I could ever do. Why add more awkward to an already awkward situation?

  2. But what if, on the altar, she discovers he’s a sandwich kisser? (Sandwich Kisser: (n) Someone who kisses as though they are eating a sandwich. Disambiguation: imaginary sandwich does not have to be delicious.)

  3. Wow. Talk about pressure. What if all that pressure gets to bride and groom and it all goes kaplooey. You’re left with knowing that your first kiss, not only as husband and wife, but ever was an embarrassing and very public mess.

    But hey, that’s the cynic in my speaking. I’m sure it was fireworks!

    • It hasn’t happened yet. I’m trying to send her subliminal messages encouraging her to just kiss him already so she knows what she’s getting into and isn’t causing herself more stress on her wedding day. So far, I don’t think they have worked.

    • that was so horrific it made me NOT want to kiss anyone again. was he eating her face? (can you imagine him trying to eat her pussy? yikes. no it’s supposed to stay ON my body. no teeth please.)

      i like to kiss people before they take me to dinner. i’m a busy woman, no need to waste time having a meal with a bad kisser.

      cheers

      lynn

      http://www.56mendandothermistakes.com

    • I was going to bring this up. I watched the video clip and I’m not normally that embarrassed or grossed out. I was embarrassed for the couple and everyone having to watch.

  4. After I stopped laughing at the fabulousness of phrases such as “I hope it’s fireworks, and romance, and sweetness, and flawlessness all wrapped up in a perfect bow and set atop a unicorn’s back” and recovered myself I began to think about this. Hmmm. Frankly, it just seems odd to me. What if he’s a terrible kisser? I’m sorry folks, but you really can’t learn that as an adult; you either kiss well or you don’t. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with bad kisser? eeek! Now, I understand that if one is religious, one might not want to “bo-dio-doh” before the wedding day, but kiss? I honestly just don’t get it…

    • Me either. I am firmly in your corner on this one. I would be an absolute wreck if I had just promised to spend my life with a bad kisser.

  5. Saving a kiss for marriage. Virginity I can understand. But a kiss. That’s just a laughable, foolish, and unrealistic expectation in and of itself. I wouldn’t be surprised if these people encounter intimacy problems years down the line that result in a shaky marriage.

    • I really, really hope that’s not the case but I wouldn’t be shocked if it was. My dearest wedding wish for them is that they will kiss and have to skip the reception to do the deed in the limo because they are so turned on by one another and then spend the next 50 years of their lives humping like rabbits.

  6. They’re not even going to rehearse it before the wedding?

    Two shows popped into my head when I read this:
    1) Never Been Kissed (for obvious reasons)
    2) That episode of Sex & the City when Charlotte finds out the night before the wedding that her future-husband was impotent.

    You gotta know what you’re signing up for!

  7. There is a natural order to things that they are neglecting. First comes love and then comes marriage and etc. Before all this however comes “The Shoop Shoop Song”. Really “if you wanna know if he love you so it’s in his kiss”. Seriously “That’s where it is”. Best of luck and wishes to them regardless. You have done all a friend can. Love this post.

    • Thanks! Obviously, she’s never heard the Shoop Shoop Song, which is quite a pity. Also, shouldn’t it all start with K-I-S-S-I-N-G in a tree? They are seriously out of order on this one.

  8. I knew a couple in college like that. I understood the saving of their virginity, but to me, there is things about a person that cannot be revealed by just talking. What if there is no spark- and there definitely won’t be one up at the alter. Sometimes saving something for a special occasion leads to the build up and stress, but then they are let down, but what it was. How do you know you will connect that way- I was never able to tell by holding hands. And what if one or the other are a bad kisser, that will have just committed to death do they part before finding that out. Oh the inhumanity. (as a side note, my husband and I practiced our kiss, so it wasn’t so terribly awkward)

    • You and your husband are clearly very intelligent people. I bet your kiss was perfect! I totally agree with all your saying here, I really think this waiting to kiss thing is a huge mistake.

  9. To each their own. I will say this, I totally DO think you can learn how to kiss as an adult. Maybe i struck it lucky, but my bf and I started dating when I was 24 and he was 26. He was TERRIBLE. He was a lazy kisser as in I’m going to stand still and close my eyes shut until you pull away type of lazy. IT WAS HORRID. But, I totally made a comment about it and seeing as he was willing to learn, told him what felt good and what didn’t. And let’s just say, I can’t stop kissing him. Except when I have to go to work, because I get paid. LOL.

    So, if that first kiss does turn out horrible, which it might, then hopefully they have the rest of their lives to get better.

    • That’s true! And I really hope that’s what happens. Everyone deserves to get kisses real good for the rest of their lives. ;)

  10. Oh, you know, I have seen all kinds of things: People not having sex before marriage, people not moving in together before marriage… Do they even realise they are promising to spend the REST OF THEIR LIVES together? Without testing their compatibility before it’s too late?!
    I sure hope it does pan out for these two but really, what are they thinking?!

  11. I can completely understanding saving oneself for marriage, but I can’t fathom not kissing before getting married. There’s that spark, that chemistry that comes with a kiss, and how can one go through a relationship without that simple kiss?

  12. I’ve been to ONE wedding where the bride and groom hadn’t kissed before hand and their reason was legitimate. He was a preacher of some sort. Besides that one anamoly, every wedding I’ve been to its strange if they hadn’t done the dirty before hand. I only speak the truth.

  13. Hi there,
    I’m a producer for the TLC channel, and we’re currently casting for a show that deals with this very topic (which I see you’ve already been talking about in this thread)! People who have decided to save themselves for marriage, with an emphasis on engaged couples waiting to share their first kiss at the altar. If anyone sees this and knows someone who’d like to be involved or participate, I’d love to have a chance to talk with them! Participants will be reimbursed for their time with us, and you’ll get to share your unique story with the world! Email me personally if you have any questions or concerns! We’re really looking forward to meeting people who want to share their personal story! They can show the world that not all first kisses are as awkward as the couple in the first episode!
    Scott MacDougall
    scott@psgfilms.com

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